Do you struggle with being kind and courteous to your spouse? How about being respectful and kind to your children? There is no pretty way to make this sound any better than it really is. So I am just going to confess it, yes, this is a struggle for me. The weird thing, is that it didn’t used to be. When life was so much simpler {before kids}, I wasn’t stretched or challenged to be nice when I didn’t feel like it.

Courteous: the showing of politeness in one’s attitude and behavior toward others; specifically a polite speech or action, supplied free of charge 

I love my husband. And I love my children. I am so thankful for them. They are my biggest blessing in life. BUT, until I had them, needing things from me, I wasn’t ever challenged to really examine my heart from a place of self-less-ness, not truly. Not in the way that a wife and mother does. It’s a 24 hour job. One you can’t understand, not even close, until you are in it. And though I love my family to pieces, and we have amazing times together, rich conversations, and so on. The reality is, I was totally convicted this morning and even now, more and more as I write, how truly selfish I can be at times. How I don’t try to be that sweet girl my husband fell in love with often enough. Because it takes effort. I can be kind when others are being respectful of me, when I feel valued and loved, anyone can, but what about when you feel taken for granted? Or when you are simply tired from serving children through the night… now try 2-3 years straight? Or what about 15 years straight for those of us who have large families. But this is what I am so convicted of: it doesn’t matter our circumstances or who it is, we are called to “show perfect courteous to everyone.” {Titus 3}

Wow. Right? Today I was blown away by what the Spirit was whispering through the word of God to me this morning. I am going to take a leap of faith and guess that I am not the only woman or human being that struggles with this.

I posted this verse and a little encouraging word in a Christian Homemakers Private FB Group I help lead, and I was blown away by the immediate response. So many women admitting to struggling with this… and how many more who won’t confess it out loud, because if they do, then it means they are really thinking about how what the ramifications have been or are being on their relationships.

You know those times when you are studying a scripture you have read, maybe a zillion times, and all of a sudden the Holy Spirit points out 6 common words that convict you to your core. Six words that represent a way of being you have thought on, many times over, but for some reason, you feel the conviction to make this the focus of your thoughts, because all of a sudden you realize just how impactful it is on your legacy.

For some it could potentially change the course of a friendship, a marriage, a relationship with a child, or atmosphere in ones home, or even… your legacy.

“Remind them to be submissive to rulers and authorities, to be obedient, to be ready for every good work, to speak evil of NO ONE, to AVOID quarreling, to be GENTLE, and to SHOW perfect COURTESY toward all people. For we ourselves were once foolish, disobedient, led astray, slaves to various passions and pleasures, passing our days in malice and envy, hated by others and hating one another. But when goodness and loving kindness of God our Savior appeared, HE SAVED US, NOT because of good works done by us in righteousness, but according to his own MERCY, by the washing of regeneration and the renewal of the Holy Spirit, whom He poured out on us richly through Jesus Christ our Savior… This saying is trustworthy, and I want you to insist on these things, so that those who believe in God may be careful to devote themselves to good works.” Titus 3:3:1-8

Paul urges Titus to INSIST on these things. Why?

As I think on the concept of legacy, it always comes back to relationship. We have tremendous influence and impact in our spouses life and in the lives of our children. BUT… our influence and impact in those relationships is directly affected by the condition of our relationships.

This is where the six words get powerful.

Show Perfect Courtesy to Everyone! Now add, including your husband and children… BAM. Conviction, right?!

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It may seem like a no brainer that we should be kind and courteous to those we love the most, but I know for me… it has become increasingly more difficult as the years pass, and we all become for “comfortable” with each other. It’s not just me either. We all are guilty of this at times. But, choosing to be courteous starts with leaders. And I am one of the leaders in my home, and during the regular work week, I am THE leader in the home. I set the tone.

It’s easy to be nice to perfect strangers, but choosing to be courteous and kind to those you live with everyday isn’t always easy. Especially when you feel like they don’t deserve it. When you feel like you are taken for granted, right?

But the Word of God says it doesn’t matter how others treat us, we are only responsible for how we treat others.
I know for myself it is easy to just get going about my day, getting all we have on our to-do list done, and often times, I don’t have kindness on the forefront of my mind. And because I’m not “trying” to be kind, in my mind, I am not purposing to be patient or comforting or whatever, it doesn’t just flow from me naturally.

So in attempts to not take these formative years for granted {meaning formative in the legacy I am choosing to leave}, I am going to be meditating on this concept of being courteous to all regularly.

Here are a couple of simple ideas for really engaging this concept:
1.) Write out these six words on your family chalk board or fridge {somewhere where you will see them}

2.) Do a family devotion on this topic of courtesy and kindness, pray together and make a commitment to try harder – put it in your family rules or mission statement

3.) Make a list of ways you can show kindness to one another and write it out with your family {or have this exercise be a part of your family table talk time}

4.) Share this post on social media to keep to have it in your “memory bank” for another time when you are struggling with this…

Father, thank you for insisting that Titus share this convicting and foundational concept with the church. May our hearts be soft to hearing more from you and may your Spirit translate and teach us how to apply it to our everyday lives. Help us to be kind and courteous to our husbands and children. Help us to be women of integrity treating them as kindly as we would a new friend. We recognize Lord that our influence in the lives of those we love most is directly impacted by our children’s view of us and our spouses view of us. And that their view of us is affected by our level of courtesy to them. So please Lord, help each of us to understand just how foundational this is to the future of our families thriving and our marriages thriving! May we bring you glory Father as we practice what you have laid out in your word for us to live by and may it always flow from a thankful and loving heart of gratitude for who you are and your Son Jesus. Amen.

I also encourage you to check out some other faith filled posts at the Monday Link up: