Choosing a Mentor Requires Humility, both for the mentor and the student.

We as a Christian people live in a culture that teaches, if you think it, you can do it.  If you put your mind to it, you can do anything. The sky is the limit. Dream, and you shall be. These thoughts are very tempting to want to believe. They feed a self proclaiming, self-indulgent, ego building philosophies that are widely accepted in our culture and church today.

Striving to grow in Christ is an adventure, but it’s not meant to be done alone.

We are all on our own personal journey in life, but God intended for the older men and women, those who have wisdom from hindsight and understanding of the Word of God to share with younger generations.

Whether you are seeking a role model for marriage, parenting, or to learn how to read the Bible and pray. Mentors can be those guides or role models.  It is God’s Design for His family, the Body of Christ, to be in close enough fellowship that we would GROW. A mentor is a big brother or sister in a sense, just doing what family is supposed to do.

Having a mentor is not only beneficial for discipleship, but also for accountability, and deep instruction. They are called to teach as well as share encouraging words from the Lord when you need them most. Mentors can point you to Christ in a world that points you away.


Humility is Required by the Student & the Mentor

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So why don’t most Christians ever pursue purposeful mentoring?  Pride

Pride of the heart, prevents people from getting real.  Pride puffs up and distracts us from seeing areas in our lives where we need accountability. Pride blinds us, and handicaps us from pursuing God. Pride is dangerous.

It takes a truly humble person to recognize they have a thing or two to learn.

It is the people who seek knowledge, understanding, and wisdom who find it.

“Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise,
    but the companion of fools will suffer harm.” Proverbs 13:20

How do you know if someone is wise?

  1. They will admit their wisdom is NOT their own. They will readily admit that any wisdom they have, has come from the Word of God, the inspiration of the Holy Spirit whispering to them and guiding them in personal circumstances and experiences, and what others who have gone before them have taught them over the years.
  2. They have fruit in their life that you would want to emulate. Click here to read the article on Choosing a Mentor: Looking at the Fruit in their Life.
  3. They have gleaned from many gone before. If you want to grow in understanding of something, seek someone who has the fruit in that regard and ask them to teach or mentor you. Don’t be shy. Don’t use shyness as an excuse. It will cripple your growth as well. If a business needs help with marketing, they go to a marketing specialist without any inhibitions. Then they reap what they sow: growth. Seek out those who can help you to grow in your faith, to know you deeply, and lead you.

Don’t avoid asking the person God has put in your life, simply because certain things about their life convict you {number of children, education choices, etc…}. Instead, engage challenge. It is the best way to grow.

It Takes Humility to be a Mentor

It isn’t obvious at first. Someone has just asked you to mentor them, and you may be feeling pretty honored. You may even think, “What an honor.” But then it sinks in. Doubt and feelings of inadequacy begin to create conflict in your mind as to whether or not you can or should even be a mentor. “I am unworthy”, you think. How does someone even mentor another? What does it look like?

Most of us create expectations for our relationships based upon what we have experienced or what we have witnessed from others. But mentoring is a lost art. Many older women cannot readily share experiences they themselves had with mentors, simply because they never had one. This reality exaggerates the fear of mentoring another even more.

I used to think I wasn’t old enough to be a mentor and was so used to pursuing them myself. I was a student. But the Lord rebuked me recently. I realized that of course I am supposed to be teaching and mentoring my younger sisters in the Lord. I am in the season now, where parenting littles, pregnancy and having babies is all fresh in mind. And we all know the older we get the more we forget. Or at least I do. I was believing a lie, that because I haven’t raised my kids, I wasn’t qualified to teach. I needed to have done it well first! It was my qualification. But the reality is that not every woman learns the same. Some really need to witness how to do something by watching it with their eyes as well as learning it through reading. And for those moms, they might not necessarily learn what they need to about disciplining little ones in a home where there are none.

The humble part about this is letting these young moms into your home when you are in the midst of crazy busy schedules and raising your kids. There are going to be moments when they watch your child’s ugly sin come out, and yours as well. But hopefully what they witness is a godly and humble example of how to lovingly train, disciple, and discipline. This is humbling. It is impossible to always have your home perfectly clean, and attitudes always in check. They get to see the REAL DEAL, but only if you let them get in close enough.

So this is my charge to you older sisters in the Lord: Be Vulnerable and Let a Younger Sister into Your Life, your REAL life. Click2Tweet

Let me share with you one of my stories. One of the last regular mentors I met with was an amazing woman of God. I had thought about asking her to mentor me when I was just beginning the process of writing my first book, but I was sure she would say no. That she wouldn’t have enough time for me. She had seven kids of her own, ran a few ministries with her husband, was an author, speaker, and on and on. You know what? I scared myself out of asking her. I was so intimidated and didn’t think she would see the benefit or value in her time in mentoring me.

I believed a lie. I had sinned in putting her “type” on a pedestal- which is a whole post alone. And the Lord, in His goodness to me, went around my fear, and prompted her to ask me if she could mentor me. I was dumbfounded to say the least. What a gift was she then, and she still is a gift to me, a kindred sister, an eternal older sister in the Lord.

Be humble and choose a humble, but confident mentor. Click2Tweet


20131005-tolpin-56304BANNERIf you would like to view all of the articles on Mentoring click: Mentoring

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