Thought Provoking Questions for
Mother’s of Daughters:
~Does your Daughter Come to You for Advice on Appearance?
~Or is she getting Her ideas from her friends or the community you are part of?
~Is Your Daughter Scared to Talk to You?
~Are You Setting a Godly Example by the way you view yourself and the way you take care of yourself?
So what Legacy are you pursuing with your daughters in regards to Spiritual Identity? Do they know that God loves the way He created them? Do you and your husband purposefully try to build your daughters self-esteem? Do they know they were created by a Master Artist, God and that He created them for a purpose far greater than image? We need to focus first on the heart attitudes in our daughters. Lead them in righteousness and holiness. We can’t lead them in this if we ourselves are consumed with outward appearances. Our daughters live with us, they see us everyday… we can not fake anything with our daughters. They see the good, the bad, and the ugly, right? We need to be in the Word of God because without Him we will easily become consumed with non eternal things. Our first priority should be leading our daughters to have a strong spiritual identity in Jesus. However, then when it comes to Self-Esteem we are also to teach them how to take care of themselves and setting an appropriate example in this as well.
Are you taking care of yourself or are you the SAHM that is still in PJs by the time dad comes home from work? (not bc you aren’t busy… but bc you are… you are too busy to get ready for the day… bc looking nice is last on the priority list when you have kids to educate, three full meals a day to make, papers to grade, diapers to change etc…)
I have a special word for you mom, yes those things are “more” important… they are eternal work… training little ones, feeding good wholesome foods, being teacher and mom… but is it attractive to your daughters … they may not grow up wanting to do what you do if you always look frumpy, tired, and you know where I am going with this… We want our daughters to see that raising a family is a joy, but we need to show them how to do it well. You know that saying, “mom always goes without,” I am not condoning selfishness… but I am saying we need to take care of ourselves our the next generation might be even more “turned off” from having children. We live in a generation of women who don’t ever want “kids.” They don’t want to” lose” their figures, “lose” their “freedom.” I am not saying I agree with them, or that we should compete with them at all. But we live in this world and so do our children. If they look at you and see a worn down, ragged, joy~drained mom who is always at her wits end of patience, and then they look at these young energetic women, with nice figures and combed hair, which is your daughter going to be attracted to? Let me say it again, we should not compete with other women, but we do need to be held accountable to not letting ourselves go. For the sake of our Marriages we should not let ourselves go.
Dearest Mom, We need to enjoy our children, but also not be the mom our daughters are embarrassed by. Be relevant! Try a little! We need to show them how to be a mom and juggle all we do, while still caring about taking care of our hygiene, our marriage, our relationships.
This is for you home schooling moms… there is a reality out there today that many second generation home schoolers are choosing not to home school their children. This is a whole post by itself, so I won’t go there today. I am not saying this is the only reason, I am saying, it may be one reason, it may be “part of the reason.” They may see how much work it is without being taught the “WHY” behind it!
As you are choosing what to teach your young ladies, do you purpose to teach them how to choose their own clothes independently/quickly, do you teach them how to pair stuff, or must you have the control (otherwise they come out looking crazy)?
Do you teach them how to do their hair or figure they will figure it out like you did?
Tip for Moms:
1)If Your Daughters hair is more difficult than yours was, get help from someone who knows or spend the time to research a little on the computer… these things tell your daughter you noticed, care and you want to help her out. Our daughters are growing into women, but they need to be taught how… gently. This can be such a simple, yet overlooked little thing…
2) If your daughter has a hard time taking your advice???
This may be hard to hear…
If your daughter is having a hard time taking your advice it is a reflection of two things, your relationship with her , and the fact that she is in sin. You may be thinking, but this is common among most young girls… they are hormonal. I am sorry, but I disagree. We are all hormonal, we are women. We need to talk this through with our daughters and teach them how to have self-control and awareness of what is going on within our bodies. TALK! If your expectations are low… you are bound to hit them. We need to expect more from our daughters and ourselves. Relationships don’t just happen. We need to put in quality time and effort. If you are struggling in your relationship with your daughter, there is hope for you..it is found in Jesus… he can reconcile any relationship and He wants to. You should go to your daughter, repent of your sin, ask for forgiveness and apologize… then do you best to pursue a biblical relationship with your daughter. Teach her with scripture, how God has ordered and designed your relationship to look with her and ask her if you can work on it together. She needs to view you as her God-given Mentor/ Teacher. That means though that you need to step up and lead her. Especially in Pursuing Christ, then in pursuing inner beauty, and then in outward beauty.
The Ultimate issue here is Self Identity/ Self Worth. Are your daughters seeing you in the Word of God? Not just because it is ritual, but bc you are in a relationship with God and He speaks with you and you in turn get excited to tell your daughter what you are learning about from God? Our Identity is formed in Christ Jesus, if we want that for our Daughters, we need to get it right ourselves first by getting right with God.
Are you building up your daughters self-worth as a Woman of God, a Young Lady?
Are you intentionally talking with her about her body, changes happening or about to happen… is it an easy conversation or are relationship issues being brought to light by the fact you can’t talk to her about them?
Are you teaching her that it is God’s design for her body to change? That it is Good?
Listen moms, this is a touchy subject, I get that… but we have to start somewhere. Our culture tells us that we have to compete with these super models, you all know this… we were told this. But we know the truth, that we don’t. How is your self-esteem? I have been talking to those moms, who so far, maybe don’t even think to teach this sort of thing to their daughters bc they don’t want their daughters wasting time primping (which by the way that isn’t what I am talking about here)… now I am talking to you moms who yourselves might have issues. Do you compete in your mind with other images, or even other moms? Are you “never good enough?” We can’t expect our daughters to automatically have strong self-esteems if we ourselves don’t have them! We have to get it right and then be transparent about our issues with our daughters, because chances are she is already dealing with the same issues… you have been her role model.
What example Do you set for Your Daughter of Having a Healthy Self-Esteem/ Self-Worth? Does she see you spending too much time working out- obsessively? Do you spend too much time in front of the mirror? Do you have to wear make-up? These are good questions to ask ourselves throughout our lifetime… they need to be asked… True beauty doesn’t come from these things… we need to have a healthy view… we need to be careful that these types of things don’t become our idols.