As wives we are designed and chosen by God to complement our husbands. As you know, this doesn’t come naturally… it’s a choice. It’s a choice that comes with a fight. Women have a long history of battling a desire for control and leadership over man in general, but this temptation is strongest and most readily present in marriage.
Genesis 3, the Fall of Man, the very first sin… Man and Woman were punished for disobedience to God and his rules. He said not to eat of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. The serpent tempted Eve by intriguing her desire to be “like God” knowing all…
She wanted Knowledge, Power… her punishment was among others “…Your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you.” Genesis 3:16 This desire, as I see it, is a desire for our husband not to rule over us. Even more than that, it’s a battle to be over them. It’s what Eve was tempted with and cursed to struggle with, it’s what we struggle with today.
The feminist movement, claims their main objective to be equality, but in reality it has been to rule over men. The Biblical design for man and woman is not an oppressive manly abusive, male chauvinistic view. It is a beautiful balance of Love and Respect, mutual submission, caring for one another and purposing to function as a team, united, as one. It is powerful when your marriage is one of caring for one another and building one another up… not occasionally, but constantly. We need to embrace the reality that we were not made “equal” by definition. Equal means the exact same. We are of equal VALUE, but not the exact same. We were differently so together we can complement one another. When we work in our gifted~ness and true design… together we are a better vision or image of the Lord.
For strong women like myself, it often means purposing to let my husband lead. It often means building up his self-esteem by being quiet, not speaking out, having faith in him and his ability to lead. It means not giving counsel, which can often times tear him down, even if it is good counsel. You see God didn’t design men to be led by their wives. Influenced, yes sometimes (that’s for another post), yes sometimes we do give counsel, we should be their most trusted advisor because they trust us to have their best at heart. What I am talking about is when our husband is down, depressed, struggling to lead in family, or provide financially, or lead in the church, community, are we partially to blame for being so darn independent and stubbornly prideful, acting like we don’t need him to provide. Sometimes what is required in order for them to be confident, is NOT having an overconfident or even arrogant wife, but a wife who purposefully choosing to sit back, and put her energizes into building up her man.
So I would love to ask a few questions:
1) If someone asked your husband; “Does she make you feel like a good leader?” What would he say?
2) If someone asked him; “What does she do specifically to build your self-esteem?” What would he say?
3) If someone asked him; “Does she compete with you for the leadership role within the home?” What would he say… and better yet what would God, your friends and family see and say? Do your kids see you respecting your husband and believing in him, or do they see you always leading, pushing, or BOSS~ing him around?
I know these are intense questions, I have so many more… but I want so badly for wives to embrace wife-hood in a way that builds men up. If we put as much energy into building up our men’s self-esteem and their careers… as we do our interests and/or careers… imagine what the repercussions would be. Imagine how they would Thrive. Men get torn down everyday in our culture, in our world… often times not able to be themselves, who God made them to be. They are warped, hurt, raised to be sissies (sorry but they are)… lets choose to let our men be men! And Raise our Sons to be Real Men!
Our Culture says this to men:
Real Men Cook, Real Men Clean, Real Men stay at home with the kids, Real Men WEAR PINK, Real Men DON’T HUNT b/c they don’t have to “kill” something…. on and on… now I am not advocating to do or not to do these things… all I am saying is start looking at the culture around you, pray for God to change your heart, open your eyes to what this world does to Men… how the education system molds them…etc… ask God to reveal how you are to purposefully let your man be a man. Trust him, trust your man.
Together We Lead to Change Families Starting with Our Own!
PS BTW, I actually do agree that men kind of look funny in pink, but you don’t need to agree with me… I just associate pink with princess dress up clothes and flowers delivered to my house on VDay!