I have recently been through some serious medical issues in this pregnancy. All which I am willing to share, but believe because I am a woman of details, I fear I would be tempted to bore you. What I feel compelled to share is enlightenment from what I have been experiencing. Hopefully the pain I have endured can encourage one of you somehow.
Practically, since my health put me on bed rest for a few weeks… I had a lot of time on my hands to think… too much time actually. While I did listen to sermons online and watch educational videos like Demographic BOMB (which I recommend), to be perfectly honest, I feel into a deep dark hole… one under attack. I can’t think of many things worse for a mom of little ones than being unable to take care of them. It is depressing and frustrating to say the least. While I knew I was doing what was best for the baby within my womb I felt like I was an “unproductive mom” to my other little ones. While I gladly and humbly accepted help out of necessity, inside I was screaming “why me.” I had given my body to the Lord as a vessel to bring another blessing into the world. Instead of feeling blessed, here I was suffering and unable to accomplish the other goals which led to the vision we felt GOd had given us in raising our other children.
In this time of wrestling with my faith, wrestling with emotions, and pain I finally began to see His glory shinning through. After all the “help” had gone and I was able to walk out of the room to see the family… I noticed things in my children… good things and bad things both.
I noticed things in myself… good things and bad things alike.
I don’t think that if I wasn’t forced to slow down, if I would have seen these things.
For example, Austin my six year old is smart… he can put huge lego models together focusing intently for 12 hours in 2 days and get it done. He loves to build things! Reading on the other hand… he can but is not what I would call a confidant reader. I have been motivated and dedicated to work with him more consistently and for longer durations because I have nothing else pressing me. I can do much other than sit around for a few hours each days even now. I have to take t easy or I will be back were I was 4 weeks ago. As a result he is enjoying reading through his readers Bible and doing better everyday.
I realized that I am such a “busy” go, go kind of person, even if we limit our outings to one day a week, I still work and get everybody “working” around the farm and house and then we don’t just sit and enjoy each other… talk.
This is something I am changing. Honestly, maybe not by choice, but by necessity and hopefully it will become a new healthy habit. To slow down every once in a while.
There are other ideas I would love to share, maybe for another day!
Love to you all!