The Honest Struggles from a Writer Pursuing to Share God’s Vision
These next two weeks are big weeks for me in regards to finishing writing the last two chapters and editing out a TON of content for Redeeming Childbirth!
For months now I have been struggling writing a chapter that I felt strongly the Lord had impressed upon my heart to write and include in this book. I would begin writing it, read it over and push that big DELETE button in the top right corner of the keyboard.
The topic of the chapter I was feeling very strongly inspired to write was on
Worshiping the Lord in birth and Jesus as “THE” Focal Point!
However, when I got to write the chapter about a month ago… I had nothing much to say… other than sharing how worshiping God in birth empowered me to keep going, took my focus off myself, and so much more; but I felt strongly that was NOT supposed to be the focus of the chapter. In fact, though my birth testimonies are included in the book as well as many others’… I felt the Lord telling me NOT to include one of them in this chapter, but WHY?!
These two particular chapters on worship are in a section called “Experiencing His Presence” along with a chapter on Prayer. The chapter on prayer seemed to have a ton of equipping material and I was excited about how the Lord and spoke to me on this topic… but for some reason even though worship was SO much the center of my last few births especially… I couldn’t write! I spent days listening to my birth song playlist, praying and attempting to write… and I just kept “deleting”… getting down to the wire, being so close to completion… I was on “E”!
Finally on Monday I had a few hours to go to my husbands office and work in quiet. I normally write at night, but I am writing pretty much whenever I have a moment or two just to get this project done right now. SO as I was at Isaac’s office, I just listened to the worship music playlist I had created for my births and prayed for the Lord’s vision to be clear. I prayed for my words not to be my own, but His.
Just then a dear friend, Julie Rassmussen, called me just to show her support and love. As I shared with her my struggles she encouraged me and prayed for me… after getting off the phone she texted me a few more times that she was praying for me. I felt this amazing sense of peace. She had refocused my eyes on WHY I was writing, my original heart for this project. I had forgotten in the midst of trying to please God with writing what He had originally impressed upon my heart in the first place. (Which I will share another time)
I began to write- refocused on my job- to love and encourage!
Later that night as I cuddled me three year old and 21 month old on a bean bag while watched a movie, I read the psalms and as I read, the Lord revealed to me what it was He wanted me to write. Excited to write I put the book down and prayed Lord, I want to serve you now, but I want to enjoy my children too. Please help me not to forget the things you have brought to my mind so that others may benefit from what you have taught me. I am going to cuddle my children undivided and give them my full attention now… Please give my mind a strong memory and continue to teach me what I should share with these women.
For the past two days I have been working on writing and editing, and the Lord has blessed me with a strong message, I am so excited and can’t wait for others to be encouraged the way I was.
I was reminded of two things in all of this:
1) This is God’s book- it’s not mine…
2) I need my brothers and sisters in Christ to help me, I can’t do this on my own.
Thank you for all your support for this new book that God willing will be coming out in August 2012!And thank you for the grace you have given me in understanding why I am not blogging here as frequently. I can’t do it all!
Love in Christ,