At times the restlessness looks like disappointment, at times frustration, at times lack of confidence, lack of concentration because I get so distracted by what I think I should be pursueing, uncertainty of what God has planned for me. My greatest personal desire in life, aside from all the “motherly hopes and dreams” one has for her children, is to be obedient to Christ and to take ACTION for Him. I want my life to count for something, don’t we all. Not for me, but for Christ. God created us all for individual purposes, I REALLY have an aching desire to fulfill the reasons He made me. Don’t you?
Personally, I don’t want to wake up and regret my life or feel the empty burden of feeling like I could’ve, should’ve, but didn’t. You know when you life comes to that place where you can either step out, do what’s hard, really hard, make the sacrifices, not knowing what the outcome will be, but being true to who you are, who God made you to be and gifted you as or you can just do what’s normal, what you have always done, and dream and kind of pursue, but not really.
Not really give it your all because you are simply AFRAID.
Yes afraid, afraid of failure, afraid of what others might think, afraid of the cost (financial or time). Regardless you are afraid. Then comes the time when you have to decide… are you going to not take action… just keep your thoughts and all the lessons you have learned to yourself, or are you going to do something with them? Every day over and over the thoughts, consume you, actually giving you headaches because you have so much information you want to share but not enough of you to go around. You aren’t willing to sacrifice your time with family to do these things you are feeling called to do, but then you realize in that moment… it wouldn’t be a sacrifice because if you just began to take action to be who you know you are inside your mind and heart, then you will be more alive, more joyful, less stressed, less overwhelmed, and you will be leaving a legacy. Leaving a Legacy that leads. Leads your children because they watch you do what’s hard and then they respect you for it… because they saw the trials you overcame to persevere through it. I home school my kids and one tiny part of why we do it is so I can teach them to do the “hard” things in life that we are called to do; but how can I fully “teach” it if I am not doing it. It may look like I’m “doing” a lot from the outside looking in. We are busy, a house with 6 kids under 11 is busy, right?! But I admit there are times when I choose to do the easy things rather than the harder ones. I get distracted by dishes, laundry, messes, the list goes on and on. As you know! The thing that bothers me at my core though, is this… those things aren’t eternal. Yes they need to get done, but laundry isn’t eternal. All “always” having clean laundry in the drawers will do is lay some pretty lofty expectations my boys may have for their future wives- and I don’t want that. oh we all have that inner Mary/Martha Struggle don’t we… to a certain degree. The distracted stressful part is when you have that nagging voice in your head calling you to do something hard, but you keep finding excuses not to do it… (oh, I got to go to the grocery store). The annoying part for me is this… I have got to get the voice that is calling me to take action out of my head… I mean I can’t sleep at night. The only way to do that, is to Take Action.
Oh the taste of the glory of taking action, not just thinking, thinking, thinking about taking action, but truly taking action and doing something.